Part 34: Episode XXXIII: Hey, Mister!

Episode XXXIII: Hey, Mister!



Let’s help out some folks in Pascal’s Village. Jean-Paul, you can piss off until next time. Today we’re going to start with the Wandering Couple because it only takes a couple minutes to sort out.


Music: Pascal



According to the runaway android woman, she saw an Elaborate Gadget over by the entrance to the Abandoned Factory. We can teleport over there straight away. Unlike running the distance, which is a good ten minute round trip. No, I definitely didn’t do all of these quests as soon as they were available the second visit to the Machine Village. That’d be a huge waste of time!



So our directions are near the entrance to the factory and...





...Well, they ain’t kidding. It’s literally right up the stairs from the Access Point in the first pile of trash we come upon. There’s nothing even here to guard it. Well... that was shockingly easy.



Back we go to Pascal’s Village to turn this in. Yep. It really would have sucked to have sprinted clear across the City Ruins just to grab a single item off the ground and then have to dash all the way back... No, I’m not annoyed I did something like that. Why would you think such a thing?



I’m so glad we trusted you. We’ll leave this place as soon as we can. Please pray for our safe passage.



And that concludes... the first part of the Wandering Couple quest. It’s only Reported after this, not completed. There’s a few more stages to this quest. But they involve venturing to an area we have no business visiting just yet. And even if we did, we don’t have the necessary equipment to deal with its second stage. So we’ll let this one hang for a while.



Instead, we should probably see what we can do about another lost machine child wandering out in the desert. That seems like it could go real rotten if left unattended.



We’re given a vague hotspot of the better part of the Desert. For now, we’ll just head to the Desert Center transporter and work our way from there. Though as soon as we arrive, Pascal decides to ring up the androids with further information.


Music: Memories of Dust



Er, Pascal? Is that you?
Ah! 9S! Yes, it is me. Many apologies for the sudden transmission. I heard that you were searching for the missing child, yes? Well, if you would, please consider this a personal request from myself as well. Go find the child as quickly as you can! She’s such a good little girl, and so fond of her sister! She’s probably somewhere around the desert at the moment. That’s where she’s likely to find the dented plate her sister needs.
Got it.
Thank you so much. And please be careful, all right?



Follow Pascal’s transmission, we’re given a specific location of the missing robot girl. That helps. Scouring the entire desert would be... trying. And there’s already a quest to do that later in the game. Bleh...





A note on the Desert Zone, since we haven’t had much reason to venture out here in a while. Unlike the City Ruins, which has frequent story gated raising of enemies’ levels and passive scaling with 2B’s current level going on... nobody cares about the Desert Zone. All the wandering Facade cosplaying idiots out here are still capped at Level 10 and below. Given that 2B is nearly ten levels above that, everything wandering the desert sands just absolutely melts in seconds.

Just worth pointing out. Now about that little girl. As we approach the border between the Desert Zone and the Desert Housing, we come upon...



Waaah! I wanna go hoooome... Siiiiisteeeeer! Where are you!? Nnngh... *sniff*

I think we found our missing machine. Let’s go try to calm her down.



Huh? Who are you?
Your sister asked us to look for you.
...She did? Really?
Really. So what do you say we head home?
Waaaaaaaaaah! I was soooo scaaaaared!



How’d you get lost out here, anyway?
I was looking for my sister’s part...
*grabs head* But then I got scared and I couldn’t move and... and... and... Waaaaah!
Aw, come on now, don’t cry! Did you at least find what you needed?
Y-Yeah. *sniff* She’ll be happy, right?
I’m sure she will. But I bet she’ll be even happier to see you back home safe and sound.
...’Kay.



So this mission is FAIRLY similar to the one from a couple updates ago where we escorted the Child Machine through the City Ruins. We do have to escort Little Sister Machine clear across the Desert Zone back to the entrance of the buffer between here and the Valley of the Tall Stacked Boys. Which is a decent clip. There’s a few key differences in this escort. Chiefly... Little Sister Machine is REALLY chatty and it’s great...



No one “made” the desert. It’s just an area that lost all its vegetation due to a lack of precipitation. This caused lasting changes in the soil, which means plants aren’t able to—
What’s “soil”?
Soil? Uh, it’s dirt. Ground. The stuff we’re walking on?
Ooooooo! I like ground.



Like when escorting the Child Machine, we will periodically get jumped by hostile machine lifeforms along our trek. This escort mission is significantly easier for a couple reasons.





One: All the enemies capped at Level 10. Which, as mentioned earlier, means they’re dead before 2B can finish so much as an entire weapon flourish animation. And two: it... isn’t actually an escort mission. Little Sister Robot will cower until we deal with the enemies, who do attempt to attack her. But the thing is she’s a big girl for her age and as such... she doesn’t actually take any damage or reach to attacks at all. She’s invincible. She doesn’t even have a health bar or level indicator. Seems Yoko Taro only lusts for the blood of small children.



Wind is just a force caused by changes in temperature and atmospheric pressure and... Huh. That’s actually a hard question, now that I think about it. Kind of deep, really. I mean, where does the wind blow from? What do you think, 2B?
Don’t know. Don’t care.





For the second ambush, the machines bring along a big axe boy to the rumble. He is... still a Level 10 axe boy. It doesn’t go well for him or his posse. Moving right along...



Uuuuuuuum... Well, machines can’t really make children. Neither can androids, now that I think about it.
Yeah, but how DO you make ‘em?
*exasperated* Uhh, 2B? Little help here?
Huh? You’re the chatty one. Work it out.
Ooof.
Mister! Mister, wait! You gotta tell me how you make chil—
Wow, it’s getting late! Let’s get you home already!



Look, kid. That's a complicated question. The Birds and the Bees now has to factor in Sephiroths and that's just thrown everything outta wack. Anyway, as a final challenge, the machine ambushers try bringing along a Goliath Biped to take the androids and their ward by surprise. Just one problem with this...



...It’s still a Level 10 Goliath Biped and it still goes down in about 15 seconds of concentrated attack. The level difference damage offset is a harsh mistress that goes both ways. Despite that, a Goliath Biped is worth a boat load of experience when felled, regardless of its actual level.



That’s the last of the desert machine ambushes and this faux-escort mission. All we have to do is walk Little Sister Machine the rest of the way to the Desert Zone’s edge where we get one last chat...



Thanks, mister! Thanks, grumpy lady! Oh, and here. You can have this.



Ergh... Thanks, kiddo? Does this prevent against status ailments or...?







*waves and walks off*



......
Well, that was exhausting.
Yep.

OK. We’re done here. Except... what was that Pink Ribbon about...? Let’s dig around in our inventory.



It turns out it’s a Key Item. One that we can equip. What does it do? Absolutely nothing! Well, except...



...Give 2B a big pink ribbon in her hair. Aww. That’s nice. I don’t think it’s her style though. Too bad, grumpy lady. You’re wearing it until we finish this quest.


Music: Pascal



To do that, we do need to return to Pascal’s Village and confirm Little Sister Machine made her way back to Big Sister Machine.



It’s worth a mention that since we’ve left Pascal’s Village for a spell, the Wandering Couple have moved on. In their place we find a couple of Normal Machines who have a few words to say.



I’D LOVE TO GO BEYOND THE SEA TOO...
I HOPE THEY FIND THE HAPPINESS THEY SEEK.

Alright, you two need to deactivate your ZOAH.EXE runtime files immediately. Though, they’re heading... beyond the sea? Well, we’ll keep that in mind for later. For now, let’s conclude the quest we’ve been focusing on.


Music: Treasured Times



I promise not to make my sister worry any more.
I’m feeling much better thanks to the part she found. Please, take this...





Another nice chunk of change, a decent bit of EXP and yet another ribbon. And most importantly, we did something nice for these dingus machines.





The Blue Ribbon is yet another cosmetic item for 2B. I dunno. I think this one goes with her outfit alright. Well, 9S you get on top of explaining how children are made. Tune in next time for a far less cute adventure. But for now, enjoy this sappy thing.






Video: Episode 33 Highlight Reel (You should watch this.)